Slowly-by-Slowly

Zenne asks, when is it time to go?

Posted on February 3, 2025 by lizcameron

From Elleanor Franzen’s blog https://ellethinks.wordpress.com/2016/03/18/meanwhile-at-litro-parenting-reading-emigrating-love/

Zenne, who we all know as a nervous Nellie puppet from the Karagöz puppet troupe, tapped on my shoulder today, saying, “when is it time to go back to Türkiye?” I suppose she must be homesick, being here in the United States for just over two decades. I really didn’t know what to say to her in response. It is a tricky time. Will things move fast or slow? Will they move in a direction that is safe for us or not? How will we know when to leave. The bottom line is, we are privileged to even be thinking about it. All I can think of today is that living under a dark shadowy scary cloud is wearing on one’s soul, and what must this have felt like for people in other countries in other times. I also thought, what if we are no happier in Türkiye? I could go into a spiral thinking vortex, yes I could, and in fact I really did a little bit, but then my fairy godmother, Perhian Hanım showed up. Rest gentle in the good night. Hold your loved ones close, breathe. The way will become clear.

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Reconnecting with the Karagöz puppets after 7 years

Posted on July 10, 2023 by lizcameron

A troupe of Karagöz puppets originating during Ottoman times courtesy of https://www.karagoz.net/english/

When I last left you, in 2016, the Karagöz puppets were all abuzz about last names. Specifically, they were chattering about how women cannot easily choose their last names in Türkiye and how this is different in the United States. Of special note was that M’lady‘s husband really DIDN’T want her to change to his last name, given his feminist leanings. You can read all about that kerfluffer-kerflutter over here.

Fast forward to summer 2023. M’lady and her husband are happily nesting in Provincetown, Massachusetts, United States with their beloved dog Pepper (today is his 6th birthday). With her Turkish citizenship application underway for real this time, M’lady faces a conundrum. Her name in English is, shall we say “Jane Doe,” in which “Doe” is her maiden last name. However, on her Aile Cüzdanı (or official family card held by the household head, aka M’lady’s husband) she is listed as “Jane TurkishLastName” as maintaining one’s maiden last name is not done unless through a complicated court process. That means that in the Turkish government’s data system, Jane Doe does not exist.

So what will become of all of the documents reporting on “Jane Doe” that are submitted with M’lady’s citizenship application?The “certificate of good conduct” is one, testimonial letters from two Turks are also included as are family support letters. There’s a chance that the whole application will be rejected and she will have to change her name – but we are taking the chance. Karagöz himself, that trickster extraordenaire, is cackling vehemently at the idea that the red tape machine would cause us to go through this process twice!

Kenne, the Queen of manners puppet piped in just now – let us know that there is a whole industry around helping women change their last names to their partner’s last name – and seems pretty much targeted to straight people too – take this website: http://www.missnowmrs.com. (Insert eye roll).

So, as the Karagöz puppets stir and wake themselves after a 7 year sleep from regular blog chat, they are finding that the cross-cultural marital road trip they loved so much is still going strong at almost 20 years together. Stay tuned for what happens with the citizenship application!!!

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A debate about surnames ensues among the female Karagöz puppets

Posted on June 17, 2016 by lizcameron

M’Lady donned a scarf when visiting the mosque today, another traditional gesture that irked her progressive husband yet again

Recently, the Karagöz puppets have been reading the Hurriyet Daily News, which some of you may know to be one of the English language newspapers in Turkey. Why, you may ask, are they reading in English when they can full well speak both Turkish and Ottoman Turkish? Well, it all started with Esma, the hippie puppet, who decided she wanted to gain perspective on M’Lady by reading the news from a yabancı (foreigner) perspective.

As it turns out, she decided to randomly open a page and read whatever was there – and wound up reading a column by a female columnist named Melis Alphan, who reported on an interesting court case involving a woman named Dürin Ababay. I’ll let Esma explain…

“Striving to overthrow the patriarchy, one Istanbul woman filed suit to change her surname to her maiden name from her husband’s name -”

“Well just wait one minute, you feminist you,” Kenne the queen of manners retorted in her usual interrupting manner, “I see it very differently. One Istanbul woman sought to gain personal notoriety through a court case about a trivial matter she shouldn’t have bothered with. Don’t we all take our husband’s names, after all? Isn’t there some honor in that?”

Esma sighed, mustering up the chutzpah to tango with Kenne, because that’s what it always is with her. Esma’s female puppet fan club (consisting mostly of former cengi dancers rescued from semi-sexual slavery in the Ottoman court) cheered her on. “Is it an honor to be forced to take on a man’s name upon marriage? What about losing your own identity? Is that honorable?” “Huzzah!” cried the lady fan club, in unison.

Scoffing in disgust, Kenne responded “all that matters is the honor one receives when one starts a new life – the real life – as a married woman.” At this point, Kenne decided that the matter was resolved, and stormed off with all of her traditional headscarf-wearing lady followers (her fan club) in tow.

Esma took this as a chance to continue the story. “So after a lot of twists and turns of the legal nature, this woman was able to regain her maiden name (although the judge wasn’t fully comfortable with the idea), but get this, only with her husband’s permission! Eee gads what a backwards country.”

And after a moment of silence and reflection, Esma slapped her forehead as she remembered that M’Lady herself took somewhat of a traditional route with her own name – much to the chagrin of her own progressive husband who wanted her to keep her maiden name. “How did this come to be, M’Lady, when you are such an ardent feminist,” she asked, puzzled.

And as the conversation spun along, she learned that in fact, M’Lady and her husband had quite an epic argument on this matter, which only resolved when the husband said he respected whatever she wanted to do – which was to keep her maiden name professionally and use her hyphenated married name in (especially Turkish) social situations.

“So,” M’Lady said to Esma, “how did reading the yabancı news work vis-a-vis gaining better insight into yours truly?”

“Honestly,” she responded, “I’m more confused than ever, but I suppose that the important thing is for women to have the right to choose how to handle their name, whatever way that is.”

And it is the hope that this legal case, along with two other similar cases in Turkey, will function as sparks in the process of allowing for name choice in Turkey.